I look at the shit that happens around the world and am, for the most part, numbed to it.
I live in New Zealand. It's a tiny little bit of not quite paradise at the arse end of the planet that feels lucky if we get included on maps of the fucking world.
All this shit... It happens to "other people" that are "a long way away". It happens in countries that are fucked up due to their own internal issues. Issues that spill over into other areas and other countries but, for the most part, issues that they have a had in in one way or another.
Down here in New Zealand things aren't perfect. We have a terrible rate of domestic violence. The glass ceiling is still a very real thing and we have our share of child abuse, antivaxxers and racists. This is, by no means, a complete list of problems.
One thing we don't tend to have though... Gun violence. We don't have the equivalent of the Second Amendment here. The laws are strict and access to a firearms licence is at the discretion of the police.
This came about after our last mass shooting in a small town called Aramoana. It also happened 29 fucking years ago.
Yet, somehow, I find myself needing to say this to people that I feel I know that I also know don't know me from Jack.
In the last AMA on the Scathing Atheist podcast a listener asked, and I'm paraphrasing here, "What would a world without religion look like to you?" Today I realised what I would have said to that.
It would be a place where I couldn't share this link with anyone:
At this point the fatalities total 49 with 20 seriously injured.
I want to cry. Fuck... I'm trying my damnedest not to. I'm not going to manage to maintain that.
I was angry at everything before this happened. Life kind of sucks right now. But I know that this would pass. And I know that it will still pass. But it's going to take longer now. I lot longer.
From what is known about these arseholes we were targeted *because* of our tolerance. I am not sure how to react to that. I want to hurt someone. Or something. But there is no one I can reach that I could be sure would deserve it. So I have this rage with no outlet. And so I will not act on it.
I don't believe in Karma as a literal thing. But sometimes it is really fucking hard not to be an instrument of it.
I don't know what to do.